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A new study finds extreme temperatures fuel online hate speech, in a phenomenon scientists call Hot Racist Girl Summer.

Middle school boys in Rhode Island created a ‘pedo database’ of their male teacher’s interactions with girls, including calling them ‘sweetheart’ and making them dance for him. The teacher is currently suspended, and girls angrily wait to see which of them won the dance-off.

Alabama may use nitrogen hypoxia – a form of asphyxiation – for executions in death sentences. Right now the only holdup is finding an Alabama judge to issue the death warrant who can spell ‘hypoxia’.

A Canadian family is taking a world tour with their four children before they lose their vision to retinitis pigmentosa. They’ll still take vacations years from now, which they call sight-notseeing tours.

A 22-year-old man was arrested for heckling Prince Andrew during the procession of Queen Elizabeth’s coffin in Scotland. The man thought Prince Andrew would prefer chasing after the box of a much younger woman.

The Department of Justice seized the cell phones of Donald Trump associates implicated in the January 6th riots and efforts to overturn the 2020 election. The men who lost the phones asked for the appointment of a Special Master to delete all of the dick pics.

An Australian man was killed by a kangaroo – the first documented kangaroo fatality since 1936. Investigators say the kangaroo was a licensed gun owner.

Senator Lindsey Graham plans to introduce legislation for a nationwide abortion ban, saying pregnant women have never really been his thing, anyway.

Ray J said Kris Jenner is lying, and that she watched the sex tapes he made with Kim Kardashian. Not only that, but Kris can be heard yelling ‘Action’ and ‘Cut’ on them.

A family in suburban Philadelphia claims their mailbox has been blown up three times in eight days. They plan to stop ordering vegan meal kits from Hello Fresh.

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A bear crashed a two-year-old’s birthday party in Hartford, Connecticut and ate all of the cupcakes. Nobody was injured, and the bear booked appearances at three other upcoming birthday parties.

Dallas Cowboys QB Dak Prescott is out for ‘several weeks’ after suffering a thumb injury in the Cowboys’ season-opening 19-3 loss to Tampa Bay. Cowboys Head Coach Mike McCarthy’s thumb is okay despite being stuck in his ass.

Credit card companies will create a new merchant category for gun dealers, which they say may help identify suspicious firearms purchases. However, critics say it won’t identify bulk sales of AR-15s at Ollie’s Bargain Outlet and Big Lots.

Elon Musk’s college girlfriend Jennifer Gwynne is auctioning off mementos of their time together at the University of Pennsylvania in the 1990s. Appraisers say that, after almost 30 years, the condoms Musk removed during sex held up surprisingly well.

Herb Kohler, heir to the family’s fortune in faucet & plumbing supplies, died at age 83. No cause of death was given, only that his health went swiftly down the drain.

Viral video captured a British Airways pilot announcing the death of Queen Elizabeth mid-flight between New York & London, eliciting tears from some passengers. He then announced the inflight movie as Jared Leto’s ‘Morbius’, eliciting tears from everyone.

A father and son were arrested for stomping on a guest at a Florida wedding reception, nearly killing him. Guests called it the worst-ever attempt at the Electric Slide.

Explorers have mapped an additional 6 miles to Kentucky’s Mammoth Cave system, bringing the total to 426 miles, the world’s largest. There’s now even more room for Kentuckians to live under a rock.

Apple released iOS16. It’s available to download today, for use starting Thursday when it’s finished installing.

Britney Spears said that she has no plans to ever perform again, saying she’s pretty traumatized for life. Britney’s father, Jamie, bought a bigger mailbox to fit all of the thank-you cards he’s been getting.

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Police officers in Pennsylvania used Narcan to save the same man who overdosed 3 times in 72 hours. Cops were left with no choice but to arrest the manager of the donut shop for dealing heroin.

South Carolina Republicans failed in their effort to enact a ban on abortion that begins at the moment of fertilization. They’ll regroup and attempt to ban abortion at the moment of ‘U Up?’ text.

Shares of gun maker Smith & Wesson dropped as the company cites a decline in demand. They’re considering lower prices to get the stock to shoot back up again.

The Vietnamese government arrested a famous noodle vendor, Bui Tuan Lam, for “anti-state” activity criticizing the ruling Communist party and uslurping their authority.

Queen Elizabeth died at her summer home in Balmoral Castle. Her alleged pedophile son Prince Andrew is in mourning at his summer home, Bal-Immoral Castle.

King Charles II arrived at Buckingham Palace after visiting Balmoral Castle to make sure his mother was really dead.

Charles’ & the late Princess Diana’s son, Prince William, is now next in line for the throne, despite his visibly receding heir line.

After losing the first set of her US Open semifinal, top seed Iga Swiatek credited feeling “lighter” following a bathroom break for her three-set win, rallying back from deuce.

Two animal rights activists ran onto the field with pink smoke flares during Thursday’s NFL Kickoff game between the Buffalo Bills & Los Angeles Rams. They protested animal cruelty in the form of broken limbs and concussions suffered by Bears, Bengals, Dolphins, etc…

Kris Jenner passed a lie detector test on The Late Late Show With James Corden when denying she helped daughter Kim Kardashian release her infamous sex tape. She also passed when asked if she convinced son Rob Kardashian no one wanted to see him have sex.

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Kellogg’s introduced new InstaBowls – single-serving breakfast cereal packages that include powdered milk, so you add water to them. Famous mascot Tony The Tiger says “They’rrrrrrrre Gross!”

The family of Queen Elizabeth is reportedly rushing to her side due to failing health. Duchess Meghan Markle is joining them, right after she rushes to the Queen’s jewelry cabinet.

General Motors is introducing its cheapest electric vehicle ever, the Equinox EV, a small SUV. The good news is it’s expected to cost $30,000; the bad news is it runs on 350 AA batteries.

A Michigan man was mauled by a grizzly bear after he and his partners encountered the bear and her 3 cubs while hunting moose. Wildlife officials called it a really bad surprise party.

The U.S. Army discharged a white supremacist who enrolled in the military after claiming he did so to ‘get better at killing black people’. A day later he enrolled in a police academy in the Midwest.

Philadelphia Police Inspector Charles Layton said the majority of the City’s record-high 946 year-to-date carjackings are parked vehicles. Although he praised some of the really fast runners who are able to jack moving cars.

A North Carolina teacher – charged with having sex with a student – was arrested again for inviting the same student to her house while she was on house arrest for ‘Netflix and Study Hall’.

Hend Bustami, 28, was arrested for skipping out on her bill at the Chili’s in Las Vegas airport, but said she was harassed by cops for being ‘too good looking’. It’s the boldest claim in recorded history by someone who ate an an airport Chili’s.

Kim Kardashian launched a private equity firm to fund startup companies. Despite the inherent risk, Kardashian is confident she won’t lose her ass.

A reptile wrangler was called to a home in Australia to remove a python from a reclining chair. The python wanted to kill the old man sitting in it but kept dozing off.

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Tom Brady and wife Gisele Bundchen are rumored to be in an “epic fight” over his decision to unretire and play another NFL season. Gisele is currently not staying at their home in Tampa, and Tom is feeling deflated.

New York City ended its mask requirement for subways, buses and other mass transit, allowing commuters to once again savor the full aromatic bouquet of urine.

Saudi Arabia threatened Netflix over content that ‘violates Islamic values’. Specifics weren’t given, although it’s believed Saudi officials are upset over gay characters, same sex kissing, and the continued availability of Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack And Jill‘.

Barack & Michelle Obama will return for the unveiling of their official portraits at The White House. Meanwhile Donald & Melania Trump will attend the unveiling of their official portraits to hang in the restrooms of Texas Roadhouse.

A Southwest Airlines pilot threatened to cancel a flight from Houston to Mexico because a passenger was Air Drop’ing nude photos to other passengers. The pilot was angry because he had an Android phone and couldn’t see them.

Genealogy technology identified the killer of Stacey Lyn Chahorski, a Michigan woman missing for 33 years, as Henry Wise, a truck driver who died in 1999. His body will be exhumed so hero cops can put handcuffs on his skeleton and perp=drag him to court.

Archaeologists discovered a 31,000-year-old body in Indonesia which, they say, highlights advanced medical knowledge because of its lower-leg amputation. They also believe it shows advanced culinary knowledge because of the recipe they found to cook the leg.

Kanye West said Hollywood is a “giant brothel”, adding that pornography “destroyed (his) family”. Ex-wife Kim was unavailable for comment while being photographed exposing her bare buttocks for the cover of Interview magazine.

Thieves in Brazil stole a parked vehicle after kicking out a naked couple having sex inside it. The vehicle was last spotted several miles away traveling at a high rate of speed with the windows down.

An Only Fans model said she almost died after undergoing labiaplasty to relieve discomfort in her vaginal area. She said she paid $6,000 for the procedure, but made about 50 times that much on Only Fans selling before-and-after pictures.

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Top seed Iga Swiatek of Poland complained that women in the U.S. Open tennis championships use lighter tennis balls than those played in men’s matches. Swiatek prefers playing with men’s balls.

A federal judge ruled a Special Master must review documents seized in a raid at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. The Justice Department is suspicious, because the Special Master requested a Special Servant to deliver Big Macs and Diet Cokes.

A man stirred controversy by using a text-to-image artificial intelligence program to win first prize in the Digital Art competition at the Colorado State Fair, angering other entrants. Worse, the text he entered to create his art was ‘dogs playing poker’.

A North Carolina family demands answers after a teacher hit their 16-year-old son in the head with a textbook for talking in class. His parents, who attended Catholic School in the 70s, wonder why the teacher didn’t hit him harder.

Scientists created viable mouse embryos without the use of sperm or an egg – which may help families having difficulty conceiving children. But for now, the scientists need help trapping the lab-created mice.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck attended the Malibu Chili Cook-Off together. JLo was seen consulting with the 90 Day Fiance woman who sells her farts in a jar to see how to cash in on her visit.

A man snuck into a dressing room at the Tropicana Las Vegas during a magic show and masturbated while sitting on a couch. Despite saying “abracadabra” multiple times, his lovely assistant never appeared.

A female mortician on Tik Tok claims the pre-embalming ritual for corpses is like a “spa treatment”. She said cremation is like a “hot stone massage”, only the stones are 1000 degrees.

80,000 attendees sat in traffic jams as long as 12 hours to leave the Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert – while joining the Urinating Behind Your Open Car Door festival.

A retired female jockey started an Only Fans account selling nude content. She’s currently settling a dispute about how much money to share with the horse.

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The Uvalde, Texas high school football team won its first game of the season. Fired Sheriff Pete Arredondo waited outside the stadium for 80 minutes deciding if he wanted to go in.

A new fashion trend, ‘dolphin skin’, has emerged on social media, to describe a glistening, hydrated, fresh-out-of-the water look. It’s led to a more troubling trend of people sharing pics of the dolphin skin around their blowhole.

Fans of HBO’s Game of Thrones spinoff House of The Dragon are angry that the new show uses the same Game of Thrones opening theme song. Producers say they were forced to do so after they requested, and were refused, permission to use the theme to Facts Of Life.

Actor Charlie Sheen settled a lawsuit from an ex who claimed he knowingly exposed her to HIV in 2015. Sheen is paying $120,000 to settle the claim of HIV exposure – and $10,000 each for herpes, syphilis & chlamydia.

Jennifer Lopez is angry that a video of her singing to Ben Affleck at their wedding reception was leaked to the press, because all guests signed non-disclosure agreements. She’s even angrier that someone else leaked that the reception had a cash bar.

NASA postponed the launch of its new moon rocket due to a fuel leak and another engine problem. The launch will take place Friday at the earliest, according to the guy who ordered the fuel gasket at Auto Zone.

It’s the first day of school in the City of Philadelphia. Facebook & Instagram have already taken down hundreds of Back-To-School pictures of K-6th grade children holding guns.

Flight attendants reportedly broke up a fistfight between the pilot and co-pilot of an Air France flight from Geneva to Paris while the jet was in midair. The flight landed safely, and none of the weak punches did.

To commemorate National Cinema Day on September 3rd, theater chains will offer tickets for $3 to see one of the 3 movies actually showing in cinemas.

Poe, the Baltimore Ravens mascot, was carted off the field after injuring his leg during a halftime Mascots v Youth Footballer game. Asked if he’ll play in future games, the Raven said “nevermore”.

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Teen pop star Olivia Rodrigo surprised fans by joining Billy Joel on stage at Madison Square Garden to sing Joel’s classic ‘Uptown Girl’. Joel, a big drinker, offered his take on Rodrigo’s big hit ‘Revoked Drivers License‘.

Nick Cannon is expecting his tenth child. The host of Wild ‘n Out has been wild ‘n in.

A new study finds the risk of dementia in dogs increases after age 10. Many have trouble remembering their owner’s name.

Five people were taken to an area hospital with back pain after riding the El Toro coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey. They were placed on the bus with 30 people going to the same hospital with stomach pain from the El Toro Snack Bar.

Cremated remains of deceased Star Trek actor Nichelle ‘Lieutenant Uhura’ Nichols will be dispersed in space. Only some of them will be launched, as opposed to a black whole.

George Foreman is accused of sexually assaulting two women in the 1970s. Attorneys for the accusers look forward to seeing George Foreman grilled.

A man on his honeymoon in Florida was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. He’s registered at Pottery Barn and as a sex offender.

A woman drew a gun during an argument with other back-to-school shoppers at the King Of Prussia Mall outside Philadelphia. Then, she returned the gun to the Customer Service counter where she’d borrowed it.

Melisa Raouf, a 20-year-old finalist in the Miss England pageant, is the first in history to compete without wearing makeup. She’s considered a longshot to win Miss England, but is a heavy favorite in the upcoming Miss Adult Acne pageant.

Professional competitive eater Joey Chestnut broke the world popcorn eating record by eating 32 24-ounce bags of popcorn in 8 minutes. Chestnut then spent the next 8 hours flossing his teeth.

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A high school in a Philadelphia suburb mistakenly received a FedEx shipment of guns. The guns were forwarded to their rightful owner, but teachers held them and are kind of on board with guns in classrooms now.

Scientists say cooked mealworms have a meat-like flavor that could be added to fast food as a source of protein. “Way ahead of you” said the head chef at McDonald’s test kitchens.

Elon Musk is being criticized for using a private jet for a 9-minute flight from San Jose to San Francisco, a distance of 35 miles. Musk said he and a woman on board wanted to join the Quarter-Mile High Club.

A woman sued her psychiatrist for approving her gender transition to male after just one meeting. The woman no longer considers herself a man, but the psychiatrist still thinks she’s a dick.

Astronomers discovered a black hole so gaseous that it actually emitted noise in space. NASA plans to name the black hole, creating a bidding war betweeen Chipotle and Arby’s

An Oklahoma teacher was suspended after sharing a link to access books banned in her district via an online library. She plans a vigorous defense, that most of her students in Oklahoma can’t read anyway.

Sylvester Stallone’s wife filed for divorce. She requested half of marital assets, and to never have to watch Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot or Over The Top ever again.

The Hills star Kristin Cavallari admitted to fans via Instagram that she got a breast lift after feeding her three kids. She said her ex-husband – retired NFL QB Jay Cutler – gripping them like a football didn’t help matters either.

Joe Biden announced $10,000 in student loan cancellation, delighting graduates who can now default on $10,000 less debt.

‘Long Hots & Sharp Provolone’ is the winner of the ‘Flavored By Philly’ potato chip flavoring contest sponsored by regional chip maker Herr’s. It was selected as the flavor best representing Philly, narrowly edging out Fentanyl.

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New research from Japan suggests dogs eyes can well up with tears of joy when reunited with their owners. Then the cat makes fun of them.

More details are emerging regarding Gary Busey’s sex assault charges at Monster Mania in New Jersey. Busey allegedly grabbed two women’s buttocks and tried to unhook a bra. Busey is likely banned at future Monster Mania conventions, but is now invited to several Trump Rallys.

Former Playmates say Hugh Hefner encouraged them to have risky, unprotected sex with him. Sex was unprotected because he didn’t use a condom, and risky because he turned off his pacemaker.

Tesla raised the price of Full Self Driving software in its cars to $15,000. Which sounds expensive, but it comes with 10 downloadable movies to watch and a sex swing for the backseat.

Apple will let you repair certain Macbook laptops yourself starting Tuesday. Then, starting Wednesday, you can see if someone else can fix the damage you did.

Viral video shows a woman performing oral sex on a man in the outfield upper deck during an Oakland A’s baseball game. Despite sitting 500 feet from home plate, she was still struck by foul balls.

Meghan Markle said on a podcast that her baby Archie’s nursery caught fire while she was away giving a speech in South Africa. Archie was okay, and has since quit smoking.

Fans of HBO’s new Game of Thrones prequel ‘House Of The Dragon’ are angry at a scene where a man forces a woman to have a c-section, killing her. They say the scene isn’t faithful to the original books, because it takes place in Texas in 2022.

The car and body of missing California teen Kiely Rodny was found in 35 minutes by dive team Adventures With Purpose, after local cops say they spent 20,000 man hours searching the same lake. Adventures With Purpose said they were more successful because they actually went in the water.

Residents of Mexico City say it’s being gentrified by American expatriates moving there to work remotely and avoid the costs of big cities like New York or Los Angeles. They also blame the $50,000 hiring bonuses being offered by the Sinaloa drug cartel.