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Divorce rates among married couples over 60 are rising faster than any other age category – in part because married men over 60 are rising slower than any other age category.

Israel’s Parliament voted to ban Al Jazeera network from the country, accusing it of inciting violence and anti-Semitism. They also voted to ban Cartoon Network, accusing it of inciting violence between cats and mice.

Madonna wrapped up her world tour with a free concert on Rio de Janeiro’s Copacabana Beach, which reportedly attracted 1.6 million people. It marked an attendance record, and a record for the most people to look at a 65-year-old woman on a Brazilian beach.

At a Mar-a-Lago fundraising event, Donald Trump compared the Biden Administration to the Gestapo. Trump’s cronies supported him, saying Trump honestly believes Gestapo was one of the Marx Brothers.

Victorias Secret supermodel Elle Macpherson again lowered the price of her Coral Gables, Florida mansion. First she lowered it from $29 million to $27 million, then again to $22 million. For the right buyer she’ll even throw in her lingerie hamper.

Actress Emily Blunt told Howard Stern that kissing some of her male co-stars made her sick to her stomach. She wouldn’t name names, but said that finding a Scientology pamphlet stuffed in to her pocket afterwards didn’t help.

Creatine supplements may boost cognitive performance after a poor night’s sleep. This, according to gym-rat meatheads who slept poorly but took creatine to remember that today’s Leg Day, bra’.

The top lawyer for the Republican National Committee resigned after just two months, citing “time commitment conflicts”. In other words, there wasn’t enough time in the day for him to keep up with all of Donald Trump’s felony trials.

High-end fitness chain Equinox is offering a $40,000-per-year ‘Optimize By Equinox’ program, focusing on longevity, that includes personal training, nutrition plans, sleep coaching and massage therapy. Not to be outdone, Planet Fitness announced they’re offering members free Meat Lovers pizza in addition to plain cheese.

The fiance of a Wisconsin teacher who admitted ‘making out’ with one of her fifth grade students has called off the wedding. He said he’s embarrassed and heartbroken, but that he now understands why there were three kids tables planned for the reception.

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A 2024 Penn State research study finds people presented with larger snack sizes leads to faster eating and bigger bites. A 1960s research study found the same thing and that’s where thousands of U.S. companies creating the obesity epidemic came from.

A high seafood diet could lead to increased levels of PFAs, or dangerous “forever chemicals”. This, according to researchers, several of whom died drawing blood samples from sharks.

Tesla laid off over 14,000 workers, citing increased electric car competition, declining sales, and Elon Musk needing the estimated $1.4 billion in salaries he’s saving to build some crazy new contraption he scribbled on a bar napkin.

Convenience store chain Wawa celebrates its 60th Anniversary today. There’s free coffee, and regulars will parade around the building several times before stopping to eat their lunch next to a garbage can.

Elon Musk said the only way to stop bots on X is to charge new users to post. So far he’s getting a lot of questions from bots about paying in Rubles.

Protesters supporting Palestine sat in the middle of a busy downtown Philadelphia street to voice concerns over the war with Israel. The U.N. updated the Palestinian death toll with four people flattened by cars on a busy Philadelphia street.

Mutliple reporters claim Donald Trump fell asleep on Day 1 of his hush money trial during jury selection. Several tired prospective female jurors in the courtroom at the same time filed lawsuits alleging Trump slept with them.

A new analysis finds New Jersey residents pay an average of $987,000 in lifetime taxes. However, New Jersey residents who claim to be in the sanitation and commercial construction industries pay an average of zero.

Tom Cruise has reportedly given actor Dakota Fanning a birthday gift every year since they co-starred in 2005 thriller War Of The Worlds. Fanning said that, despite owning 19 copies, she still hasn’t read L Ron Hubbard’s ‘Dianetics‘.

Erin Ward, a 45-year-old married Omaha substitute teacher, was arrested for having sex in the back of a car with a 17-year-old student. The student was happy to have sex, but is kinda bummed he missed the movie the substitute teacher showed the rest of the class.

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Gen Z is reportedly embracing physical books & libraries to escape the stresses of the digital world. This is confirmed by a surge in young men & women posting nude selfies to their Tinder profiles while reading books.

Donald Trump confused 7 Eleven and 9/11 during a speech. He then doubled down, saying he’ll never forget or forgive that they don’t have a Diet Coke Slurpee.

Jen Pawol could become the first woman to umpire 2024 regular season games for Major League Baseball. She’ll work Spring Training games, where she’ll become the first umpire to argue with players and managers by not speaking to them.

A passenger on a Lufthansa flight died after other passengers reported ‘liters of blood’ “gushing” from his nose & mouth. His family is demanding answers and a refund of the $20 in-flight snack box he ate before the incident.

The Church of Scientology and supporters of Jesus both aired Super Bowl ads, in hopes of attracting worshippers who no longer believe in Bud Light.

A new book claims James Gandolfini was unreliable while shooting the final two seasons of ‘The Sopranos’ due to “excesses of consumption”. Gandolfini acknowledged his unprofessional behavior, but never sought treatment for gabbagool dependency.

Shoshanna Lefler, 37 – a teacher at Manhattan’s prestigious High School for Health Careers & Sciences – resigned after video captured her going into a locked bathroom with a 17-year-old male student then handing him a wad of cash. No one believed her when she said the money was for the Scholastic Book Fair.

ABC announced The Golden Bachelorette series, but haven’t cast the 60-plus woman to take the role. Meanwhile ABC talent scouts are busy auditioning single senior men, each of whom is required to submit a video and proof of shingles vaccination.

In Hong Kong, a dragon made of 39,000 balloons to commemorate the Lunar New Year was certified for a Guinness World Record, before it was shot down in a U.S. drone strike.

A massive fire broke out at a new waterpark in Sweden before it opened to the public. First responders eventually contained the blaze, and treated themselves for minor burns in the wave pool.

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A woman claims she quit eating breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and lost 127 lbs. However, she still drinks the coffee to maintain the giant hole in her stomach that allowed her to lose the weight.

Vanna White extended her Wheel Of Fortune contract for 2 years – ending intense negotiations where producers were forced to choose between White and pressing keys on a computer.

Officials in Chester County, Pennsylvania are promising “upgrades” to the prison where convicted murderer Danelo Cavalcante escaped. They’re promising big screen TVs, new mattresses and Grubhub deliveries, so prisoners will want to stay put.

Google announced a Taylor Swift partnership, where 89 puzzles in its search function can be solved to reveal ‘vault’ tracks from the Taylor’s Version rerecording of 1989 – and receive 1,989 targeted ads from companies using personal information they entered.

The wreckage of a $100 million F-35 fighter jet – which crashed after the pilot ejected – was located in Williamsburg County, South Carolina. Officials plan to question the pilot after searching the cockpit and finding empty White Claw cans and a condom wrapper.

The Federal Trade Commission is requiring Epic Games – publisher of online game Fortnite – to reimburse $520 million to parents whose children bought in-game gear without their permission. However, parents can’t get reimbursed if their kids are 30.

A new study published in the journal Obesity claims exercising between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. is optimal for reducing midriff fat. The study is published in Obesity’s Annual Cheeseburger Issue.

Bijou Philips filed for divorce from husband/actor Danny Masterson, who’s currently serving a 30-year prison sentence for rape. Masterson announced his engagement to a fellow Scientologist he just met in his cell.

Reacting to the U.S. Senate’s rules update to allow casual clothing in the chamber, Maine Republican Susan Collins, 70, said she plans to wear a bikini. Then the Senate updated the apparel rules again to allow blindfolds.

A 29-year-old naked man covered in feces after taking LSD, THC & cocaine, jumped into a pit at the construction site of the new Buffalo Bills stadium. The man was treated at a hospital and charged with criminal trespass. The Buffalo Bills announced they’re looking for a new backup quarterback.

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Mattel introduced the Mattel PlayBack program, where you return older Mattel toys so they can be used to make new ones. Mattel is also hiring preteen boys with younger sisters to show them the best ways to melt down recycled Barbies.

Ben Affleck is reportedly dating Jennifer Lopez, proving that Ben Affleck does not disciminate based on age, race or ethnicity.

Helmut Jahn, famed architect of Philadelphia’s One Liberty Place, died in a bicycle crash. His family vows they’ll continue to ride, without Helmut. [Story h/t to T.M.!]

Caitlyn Jenner said she didn’t vote in the 2020 election, saying it usually takes her about 60 years to pick a side.

To protest the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s lack of diversity and alleged ethics violations, Tom Cruise returned both of his Golden Globes awards – but only after he had enslaved members of the Sea Org polish them up first.

Jeff Bezos bought a 417-foot superyacht, so big it has its own ‘support yacht’ with a helipad. The best part is he can write off the $500 million cost, since he’ll use it to make Amazon Prime deliveries to sailors on aircraft carriers.

Comedian John Mulaney is divorcing his wife of 6 years after completing his stint in rehab. Mulaney returned to stand-up last night. The VIP post-show meet-and-greet cost $49, or free for women holding coke.

American Airlines angered flight attendants with a memo telling them to skip meals to arrive at their gate earlier, to improve American’s terrible on-time metrics. Similarly, Spirit Airlines told flight attendants to save time by skipping showers and only washing their uniform overalls once a month.

McDonald’s is partnering with the White House to promote COVID-19 vaccine information on its coffee cups. The White House believes it will work, because McDonald’s cups have successfully convinced people to get coffee somewhere else.

Doctors in India are telling people to stop rubbing themselves with cow dung & urine to prevent COVID-19. They say there is no evidence that it works, although they admit it is helping with social distancing.

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HBO’s Game of Thrones won its fourth Outstanding Drama Emmy Award – but, once again, dragons were snubbed in all acting categories.

Kim Kardashian and Kendall Jenner were heckled and laughed at while presenting the Emmy for Best Reality Show. Hint – their show didn’t win.

Bruce Springsteen turned 70. His family couldn’t decide whether to get him a car or a woman, because in his songs they’re the same thing.

Former Scientologist Leah Remini discovered that her Scientologist father died a month ago. She was angry that she wasn’t told, but Scientologists said not to worry, a spaceship carrying his soul will meet up with her again soon.

Downton Abbey, the Movie topped the weekend box office with $31 million in ticket revenue. The number is expected to possibly double as elderly cheapskates invade multiplexes for $5 Tuesday.

Reacting to Antonio Brown’s dismissal from the New England Patriots and Twitter tirade, Dennis Rodman called Brown’s actions “How to Ruin Your Career 101.” Rodman then drove to a nearby community college where he teaches “How to Ruin Your Career 101.”

At the United Nations Climate Action Summit, a report warns that the Earth is on track for the warmest five-year period on record. Meanwhile, female climatologists at the meeting put on sweaters and ask for the thermostat to be turned up.

Romeo Santos made history as the first Latin artist to headline New Jersey’s MetLife stadium, drawing 80,000 to a sold-out show. His ability to draw a crowd that big to MetLife led to him being offered a job as starting quarterback for the New York Jets.

A child in Longview, Washington called 911 after getting off his school bus, telling the operator that the bus driver was drunk. The driver was subsequently arrested. Asked why he didn’t call while on the bus, the child said “Hey, I’m not walking home.”

Google is rumored to be buying Fitbit. Google is interested because your heartbeat is the one piece of your personal data they don’t already own.