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Drinking a strong cup of coffee a half-hour before exercise has been found to increase fat-burning. Drinking the same coffee during exercise increases mouth-and-skin-burning.

Demi Lovato says in her new documentary that she used crack, which presumably began during filming of her Disney Channel movie ‘Camp Rock’.

Prince’s Paisley Park estate will commemorate the 5th anniversary of his death by allowing a small number of guests to come in and view his ashes, but they won’t be told how they were made purple.

Joe Biden’s dogs Major & Champ returned to the White House following their completion of discipline training – although every Republican Senator voted against their reappointment.

California’s Hope Of The Valley mission will use a $500,000 donation from Alex Trebek’s estate to help fund a new homeless shelter. Categories include “What’s That Smell”?; ‘Where’s My Stuff?’; “Who Are You?”; and “Potpurri”.

Jay Leno apologized for past jokes that offended Asian-Americans. Larry the Cable Guy apologized for jokes that offended the intelligence of everyone who heard them.

Model Chrissy Teigen deleted her Twitter account, which had grown to over 13 million followers. She posted “Live well, tweeters. Please know all I ever cared about was you.” To which her husband and two children replied “huh?”

Discount grocer Aldi is giving employees four hours of paid time off to get COVID-19 vaccines, but they have to bring their own syringe and needle.

Pepsi and candy maker Peeps are collaborating on new Peeps-flavored Pepsi drinks. They’re calling it ‘Pepsi x Peeps’, after rejecting alternate names such as ‘Peepsi’, ‘Liquid Type 2’, and ‘Gorilla Glue For Your Teeth’.

New Zealand will now require employers offer three days’ paid leave after miscarriages – which is both a compassionate step at a difficult time, and the latest foolproof way to fake your way to a long weekend.

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Actor Thomas Middleditch is accused of unwanted sexual behavior at the members-only Cloak & Dagger goth club in Los Angeles. Identifying him was challenging because it’s, like, really really reeeeeally dark in there.

A National Guard convoy carrying COVID-19 vaccines in Texas was ambushed by a 65-year-old man with a gun. “Stop them shots or I’ll shoot, varmints!” yelled Yosemite Sam, Anti-Vaxxer.

A Serbian model claims she was offered over $50,000 to seduce married tennis champion Novak Djokovic as part of an extortion plot. She hasn’t identified the men behind the plot, but if she does, they face racketeering charges.

A Philadelphis woman was apprehended after she shot a man and stole his vehicle, part of National Gender Equity in Carjacking Month.

YouTube relationship expert Derrick Jaxn admitted to cheating on his wife of four years. As for his behavior, his wife neither Liked or Subscribed to it.

Houston Texans QB Deshaun Watson now faces 16 lawsuits for inappropriate sexual behavior. Multiple lawyers have now joined three NFL teams attempting to work out a deal for Deshaun Watson.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel dropped plans for a five-day national shutdown over the Easter holiday, following critical remarks from the ruthless, yet highly efficient, German Easter Bunny.

Amazon delivery drivers must agree to be watched by surveillance cameras as part of their jobs. Some say it’s an invasion of privacy, Amazon said cameras ensure safety, and give feedback on how drivers can have better sex with lonely housewives.

A daycare worker used a Sharpie to write “I’m Out Of Diapers” on a baby’s belly before sending the child home. Later, the baby’s mom flipped him over and found “Final Notice: Out of Diapers” written on his buttocks.

Nokia plans to build a 4G LTE wireless network on the moon – to be followed by a Boost Mobile store for astronauts with so-so credit scores.

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Krispy Kreme is giving a free glazed doughnut per day to anyone showing a COVID-19 vaccination card. They say the offer is only for people getting a COVID-19 vaccine, and is not valid for insulin shots.

The Supreme Court agreed to hear a Massachusetts request to reinstate Boston Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s death sentence, with a spokesperson for the Court adding “this oughta be a quick one”.

20,000 Buddhists gathered via Zoom to celebrate Makha Bucha Day, one of their holiest days, where they celebrate principles like the quest for enlightenment, and the quest to figure out Zoom.

A new Microsoft study finds Generation Z workers think remote work makes them miss out on career growth from being around people in an office. The study researched 200 remote workers that Microsoft just fired.

Buckingham Palace is considering hiring a ‘Diversity Czar’, to help the Royal Family and their employees display empathy and foster understanding toward all shades of white people.

The NASA Mars Perseverance Rover shared a first look at partner vehicle, the Ingenuity Helicopter. A martian climbed out of the helicopter but stood up too soon and lost its head.

A top Fox Network executive died of COVID-19 complications. “We can’t believe it” said Fox News employees, meaning the coronavirus.

A ton of frozen pasta is being recalled because it was never inspected. Officials say you should return or throw out any products from Chef BoyarDisease.

Former Missouri Governor Eric Greitens, who resigned following a scandal where he blackmailed a hairdresser with nude photos, is running for the Senate. He said he’s the right guy to represent the Show Me..Yours state.

Women are more likely than men to have skipped healthcare visits during the pandemic, according to a study of men who have heard all about it.

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Updated CDC guidance permits a reduction in separation from 6 feet to 3 feet between students in classrooms – welcome news for bullies with a 36-inch reach.

A 108-year-old Philadelphia woman received the COVID-19 vaccine. Her only complaint was her weight went up 50%.

In a new book, Sharon Stone claims a film producer asked her to sleep with a costar to improve their onscreen chemistry. It was right before Stone left the cast of a Muppet movie.

A new study claims people who walk slowly are more likely to get sick later in life, provided impatient drivers don’t kill them first.

Overseas spectators will be banned from the Tokyo Summer Olympics due to COVID-19 risk, but athletes from around the globe are welcome to be sickened.

40 teachers in a suburban Philadelphia school district called out of work on Friday, citing bad reactions to COVID-19 vaccines, and totally not a day-drinking party to watch the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament.

Miami Beach Police used SWAT teams to disperse spring breakers violating the city’s new 8pm curfew. SWAT officers reportedly had trouble figuring out whose partier’s hands were in the air to surrender, and which were there to wave like they don’t care.

Scientists studying women and newborns claim they’ve identified 50 new chemicals lurking in human bodies – several of them are plastics, the rest are tied to flavor variants of Mountain Dew.

A 27-year-old named Meghann quit tv survival challenge ‘Naked & Afraid’ after four days in a Mexican desert, saying she couldn’t sleep because of biting insects in her genitals. The insects weren’t thrilled with their sleeping arrangements, either.

A Chicago Cubs minor leaguer was arrested for transporting 20 pounds of meth and over a pound of oxycodone pills. He claimed the drugs were necessary to help coaches and teammates overcome the boredom of watching spring training baseball.

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Tinder is introducing Background Checks to increase dating safety. They’ll check for violence, restraining orders, arrests and convictions, but added that you shouldn’t worry about any of that stuff if you’re hot enough.

A viral video shows a cat successfully opening a door using a doorknob. What’s even more impressive – and sad – is the mouse who thought it was safe after it pushed the door closed.

The Internal Revenue Service launched the Get My Payment site for eligible U.S. residents to track their $1,400 stimulus payments. The IRS is partnering with Amazon on a link to their site, Blow My Payment.

A day care center in South Philadelphia was hit by a Molotov cocktail. No one was hurt despite multiple South Philly toddlers returning gunfire.

Moderna has begun tests of their COVID-19 vaccine in children. It’s 100% effective making them shriek and cry.

A fireworks explosion in a commercial building in Ontario, California killed two people and resulted in the evacuation of three neighboring blocks. It was ruled an accident because nobody heard ‘Stars & Stripes Forever’.

California Senator Dianne Feinstein, 87, said Tuesday that she intends to serve her full term, by which she meant Tuesday.

The National Hockey League Buffalo Sabres lost their 12th consecutive game and fired head coach Ralph Krueger. He’ll be replaced on an interim basis by a calculator to record how long the streak keeps going.

A woman dumped her boyfriend after seeing him kiss a different woman on a Ring doorbell – just another example of someone watching someone else steal their package.

Scientists from the University of Oslo say one side of the Earth’s interior is losing heat much faster than the other side. “See?!” said a woman holding a copy of the study while adjusting the thermostat.

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Following a racially-charged argument between co-hosts Sharon Osbourne and Sheryl Underwood, ‘The Talk’ is on temporary hiatus, and will be replaced with ‘The Awkward Interracial Silence’.

Soleil Moon Frye, better known as ‘Punky Brewster’ revealed in her new documentary ‘Kid 90’ that she lost her virginity at age 18 to then-29-year-old Charlie Sheen. She described the encounter as ‘magical’, because she somehow didn’t contract herpes.

Facebook will pay news outlets to display their content in Australia. However, they’ve yet to agree to terms to pay Australian moms for gossip about who’s cheating on who.

Calls are growing for Donald Trump to urge his skeptical supporters to get a COVID-19 vaccine, since he’s been vaccinated. Calls are also growing for Trump to jump off a bridge, for the obvious good example that will set among his followers.

TIME Magazine features trans actor Elliot [formerly Ellen] Page on the cover. In a profile article, Elliot said he had his breasts removed, which has ‘transformed his life’ while ‘severely dropping his bench press’.

Tiger Woods signed a new deal with game publisher 2K to appear in their PGA Tour video game series. You’ll be able to play as Tiger, meaning you can drive into the rough and miss the entire season.

Trevor Lawrence, expected to be selected first overall in the NFL Draft, traveled to Las Vegas for a bachelor party ahead of his April wedding. There, he watched film of strippers before making his draft picks for the party.

Katrina Parrott, an African-American woman who invented diverse skin tones for emoji, is suing Apple for stealing her idea. She’s angry enough to have developed a new reddish-black tone.

For the first time, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences nominated two women to lose the Oscar to one of three men in the Best Director category.

Scientists used 3D sound mapping to unlock the secret of why hummingbirds hum. Long story short, all that flapping makes it hard to hold a note.

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The CDC said it’s safe for vaccinated grandparents to visit in-person with low-risk family members. So grandchildren, consider yourself warned.

Five jurors have been selected in the trial of Derek Chauvin, Minneapolis police officer accused of killing George Floyd. Defense attorneys are looking to avoid juror bias, prosecutors are looking for people who can slam-dunk a murder conviction.

For the fourth time on Thursday, freshman Congressman Marjorie Taylor-Greene motioned to adjourn Congressional business for that day. Because apparently 10 weeks off isn’t enough.

A Kroger supermarket pharmacy in Virginia gave 10 people empty shots at a COVID-19 vaccine clinic. In a month, they’ll have to return for a second empty shot.

Lou Ottens, inventor of the cassette tape, passed away at age 94. Doctors were unable to save him by twirling a ball point pen in his hole. [story h/t to N.Y. ! ]

Apple announced new features coming to Apple Watch, including the ability to let the watch bore your friends by telling them about the features so you don’t have to.

Jennifer Garner said one of her daughters with Ben Affleck was kicked off a kindergarten soccer team because of paparazzi – that, and multiple red cards for kicks to the groin of opponents.

The Masked Singer unmasked its first non-winner of the new season: Kermit the Frog. So now you know that Kermit the Frog is officially a has-been.

Hillary Clinton tweeted about the 526,000 lives lost to COVID-19, and her disbelief that only a couple of them were on her enemies list.

The National Hockey League’s worst team, the Buffalo Sabres, will have fans in their home building for the first time since the pandemic started. City officials thanked the team for doing their part to give the city’s homeless someplace to go for a few hours.

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Dr. Seuss books are topping Amazon bestseller lists – now that the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers & QAnon have all decided to start bedtime story hours.

The WNBA will introduce new ‘City Edition’ jerseys this season, to go along with the primary home & away jerseys that no one sees.

A man was arrested for defacing “America’s Stonehenge” with QAnon grafitti. “Not the Rocky statue!?” said Philadelphians hearing the news.

The U.S. Food & Drug Administration warned baby food manufacturers to thoroughly test their products for the presence of toxic chemicals. This follows the proposed recall of Gerber Baby Strained Carrots with RoundUp.

Kim Kardashian said that she can relate to Britney Spears being bashed in the media, because Kim claims she was body-shamed while pregnant. However, journalists said when Kim was pregnant they honestly couldn’t tell between her front & back sides.

The CDC is completing its guidance of “safe” activities for those who have received the COVID-19 vaccine – with vaccinated seniors hoping the CDC’s list includes make-out parties with their nurses.

Scientists observed the first-ever Space Hurricane swirling above the North Pole. “No way I’m flying near that s**t” said Santa Claus.

Body cam footage from an Arizona incident shows a cop releasing a police dog on a man who was not resisting arrest. The cop was suspended without pay, and the dog was suspended without Pupperoni.

Billionaire Mackenzie Scott – former wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos – married Dan Jewett, a private school science teacher. Jewett’s female students agree that Mr. Jewett is now “like, a lot cuter”.

Bryson Dechambeau, winner of this week’s Arnold Palmer Invitational golf tournament, said he received encouraging text messages from Tiger Woods, including “don’t black out behind the wheel” and “who is this?”.

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The latest Fast & Furious film, ‘F9’, is being delayed from Memorial Day weekend until the end of June, as Fast & Furious producers play it Slow & Rational.

Justice Amy Coney Barrett issued her first majority opinion for the Supreme Court, once she copied it from Clarence Thomas’ handwriting.

Martin Cooper, acknowledged as the inventor of the cellphone in 1973, says the current ‘digital divide’, with 40% of students unable to afford broadband, is unacceptable. “Whatever, grandpa” said poor students.

Nine great apes at the San Diego Zoo were given an experimental COVID-19 vaccine after an outbreak, while apes not getting vaccines wondered what made the nine so great.

Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan turned down an allocation of the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccines, saying the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are better, and besides it’s never been difficult to get shot in Detroit.

Tessica Brown, the ‘Gorilla Glue Girl’ who had glue surgically removed from her hair & scalp, had two lumps in her breasts examined, but they were benign. The most difficult part of the exam was ungluing the push-up bra from her chest.

A Tom Brady rookie card sold for $1.32 million – though Brady tried to have the value deflated a little.

The creative team making ‘Space Jam 2’ redrew the Lola Bunny character to make her less sexualized and more strong, with smaller breasts and longer shorts. A disappointed Bugs Bunny then dumped her and is dating Petunia Pig.

Roughly 30,000 Apple Mac computers are infected with ‘Red Sparrow’ malware. It’s unknown what the malware’s full purpose is, but Apple programmers knew it wasn’t theirs because it loaded in under a half-hour.

Off-price retailer Burlington – formerly Burlington Coat Factory – plans to double its 750 locations despite the pandemic. They say their low-income customer base wants more clothes that make them look & feel like they’re still in 2015.

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Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves reacted to President Biden’s criticism of the state’s reopening, saying “Mississippians don’t need handlers”.. adding “we do need people that know how to count, and read, and who understand how medicine works, but not handlers.”

COVID-19 death rates are ten times higher in areas where the majority of the population is overweight. “We’re still reopening” said Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves.

First Lady Dr. Jill Biden shared her sympathy with teachers frustration at leading virtual classes, and concern over returning to in-person learning. Melania Trump agreed, saying it’s impacted her work teaching topless modeling classes.

Burger King Japan launched the Strong Magma One Pound Beef Burger – four quarter pound patties blended with garlic chips and hot japanese pepper powder. The “magma” is apparently the porcelain-melting result of eating it.

Disney is closing 60 Disney Stores – making it even tougher for lonely single women & men in their 40s & 50s to find home decor and apparel.

The latest rocket from Elon Musk’s SpaceX successfully landed vertically after a test flight in Texas, but then exploded several minutes later. Musk then asked the crew of his planned flight to Mars if they think they can de-board in three minutes on arrival.

Meghan Markle accused Buckingham Palace personnel of spreading rumors about her being a bully, and that she’ll personally beat the hell out whoever is doing it.

COVID-19 vaccines reportedly cause swelling in some women’s breasts – making demand for them even higher.

Data from the Common App – an application shared by over 900 colleges & universities, show fewer high-school grads are applying to college. Instead of forgiving student debt, they want the government to forgive their Grubhub bills.

Catholic bishops are discouraging followers from getting the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine, which they say is derived from aborted fetuses. They would rather Catholics wait until there’s a vaccine derived from sexual abuse victims.