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Spirits maker Diageo and ‘Diddy’ ended their partnership after he accused them of marketing his Ciroc vodka and DeLeon tequila as “urban” brands. Diageo denied the claims, then shared a recipe mixing Ciroc & Colt 45 malt liquor as a ‘Diddypolitan’.

Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce reportedly said “f… my life!” every time the team ran their famous ‘tush push’ short-yardage play. Quarterback Chase Young of the 2-15 Carolina Panthers said it before every play and practice.

A woman named Samantha Hart claims that her employer changes their email address protocol of first initial/last name to avoid the accidentally vulgar ‘shart@…’ prefix. She requested they just add a number so it’s ‘shart#2@…’

People with index fingers shorter than their ring fingers are more likely to be psychopaths. Just ask them to let go of the knife before you get a good look at their hands.

Kate, Princess of Wales, is expected to be hospitalized up to two weeks following abdominal surgery to remove several of the late Queen Elizabeth II’s famous scones that have been stuck there for years.

Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai warned staff that more layoffs are coming. It’s so bad, Google AI bots are sending out resumes.

Kanye West reportedly spent $850,000 to have his teeth removed and replaced with titanium dentures. He then paid Procter & Gamble $1 million to develop mint-flavored Dawn dish detergent so he could brush them.

3M began issuing payments after losing a $6 billion judgment over its combat earplugs not working. Injured soldiers would be happy to hear this news if they could.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that head coach Mike McCarthy would return next season, despite the team’s blowout playoff loss to Green Bay. Asked to explain his decision, Jones stated “Belichick said no.”

A passenger on a budget airline was stuck in the jet’s bathroom for the duration of a flight because the lock broke. The passenger received an apology from the crew, but the passengers in the last rows next to the bathroom were the ones who really suffered.

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A new study finds heated car seats can lower male fertility by killing sperm. Female fertility could also be lowered due to fried eggs.

Eight suspicious U.S. citizens’ deaths in Colombia are linked to dating apps. Police are specifically targeting dating app Plenty Of Drug Mules.

Two UK men used gay dating app Grindr to set up dates with men and rob them – making them literal butt pirates.

Sotheby’s is auctioning a suit worn by Nicole Kidman in her corny 2021 ads urging people to return to the ‘magic’ of AMC Theaters – just as soon as they get the imitation butter-flavored topping stains out of it.

Oprah Winfrey’s longtime makeup artist died. He was fondly remembered by most, while other accused him of doing blackface.

Fox Network is bringing back true crime series ‘America’s Most Wanted‘. The first 13 episodes are just trying to round up more January 6th guys.

Paroled mob boss and 19-time murderer Sammy ‘the Bull’ Gravano said Donald Trump is ‘incorruptible’. Russian President and murderer Vladimir Putin said he isn’t so sure.

The wife of Milli Vanilli’s Fabrice Morvan filed for divorce. His lawyer will do the singing for him.

Bobi, who was posthumously named ‘Oldest Dog Ever’ at age 31 by the Guinness Book of Records, had its record rescinded while recordkeepers investigate. Meanwhile, the world’s Second Oldest Dog Ever is currently being told about the great farm he’s going to.

The Miami Dolphins/Kansas City Chiefs NFL playoff game aired exclusively on Peacock was the most-streamed live event in history with 23 million viewers. The next day, Peacock broke a different record with 22 million cancellations.

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A New Jersey worker at Olive Garden was confirmed to have hepatitis A. For a limited time, diners can pay one price for unlimited soup, salad, breadsticks and liver damage.

  • He was diagnosed after a recent shift, and will not be allowed to return to work until cleared by a medical professional, or until another line cook quits.

People are paying up to $12,000 to have their eye color changed. Others are going blind and suing the makers of Just For Men and L’Oreal eye color kits.

A Florida school district removed dictionaries to review them for content describing sexual conduct. Mississippi school districts removed them following complaints from students that they couldn’t follow the story.

Popeyes is offering free wings if the Eagles, Ravens, or Buffalo win the Super Bowl. If the Dolphins win, StarKist will stop putting them in tuna cans.

eBay was fined $3 million after employees sent live spiders and cockroaches to harass a couple who criticized the company. eBay is also being sued by customers who say they never received the spiders and cockroaches they purchased.

Disney’s Pixar animation studio will reportedly undergo significant layoffs in 2024. What goes ‘Up’ must come ‘Down’.

Former ‘Good Morning America’ host TJ Holmes said he’d down up to 18 drinks a day after he was fired for an affair with co-host Amy Robach – expanding a good morning to a good afternoon & evening, as well.

Flight attendants revealed a code word for difficult passengers, ‘Philip’. It originated from PILP, ‘Passenger I’d Like to Punch. On Spirit Airlines, alpha passengers are called AFCs, for Airborne Fight Club Champions.

A University of Colorado study finds cannabis can motivate users to exercise. That’s if you count running to the door to get the pizza as a workout. [h/t to J.O.!]

Hertz Rental Car is selling 20,000 electric vehicles. Hertz claims the electrics are expensive to repair, and that only about 20% of customers renting them pay the extra fee for a full tank of gas.

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1 in 10 teens worldwide have used over-the-counter diet pills or another ineffective weight loss method. The other 9 are good at using photo filters on their phone.

Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots are parting ways after 24 seasons. This decision is killing owner Robert Kraft, who was hoping for a happy ending.

Chris Christie is ending his Presidential campaign. Christie had plenty of money for campaign ads, but the cost of jet fuel and catering crippled his budget.

GOP candidate Nikki Haley said people in their 20s should expect to work into their 70s because she’d raise the qualifying age for Social Security. Americans in their 20s took this to mean they get the next 40 or 50 years off.

Dead comedian George Carlin was ‘brought back to life’ in a new special generated by artificial intelligence. A new Larry the Cable Guy special is also planned, generated by an authentic lack of intelligence.

Hard seltzer maker White Claw introduced a zero-alcohol version, De-Clawed.

The National Football League announced which teams will play international games next season. The Jacksonville Jaguars filed a formal objection to the league’s plans to their scheduled home game in Gaza.

Aaron Rodgers will no longer appear on ESPN’s The Pat McAfee Show for the foreseeable future. In order to dial down the controversy, Rodgers’ regularly-scheduled segment on Tuesdays will now feature InfoWars Alex Jones.

Amy Schumer shared a ‘racy’ topless selfie with “40 extra pounds”. No word on what other comedian she took the 40 pounds from.

Gen Z’ers are going on social media to say they’re “resetting” their virginity. Boomers are saying they already did it years ago.

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A large hole blew open in the passenger cabin of an Alaska Airlines jet mid-flight, sucking off the shirt of a boy seated nearby. It’s the first time a boy’s clothing has been sucked off in-flight since the Vatican’s annual Altar Boys Trip to Greece.

Following the incident, Alaska Airlines grounded its fleet of Boeing 737 Max 9 jets. Spirit Airlines emailed to ask if they were selling them and for how much.

A woman was found dead in South Philadelphia, impaled on an iron gate outside the Xfinity Live! sports bar. Her friends reportedly asked her to go with them to a different bar, but she was on the fence.

Following the firing of Head Coach Ron Rivera, Washington Commanders owner Josh Jacobs assembled an advisory group to guide team decisions, including Magic Johnson. Johnson told Jacobs to sign six kickers so they can make more 3-pointers.

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin failed to notify the White House when he was hospitalized in intensive care on December 22nd. Austin apologized, but said with wars in Ukraine and Gaza, he didn’t want to drop another bomb on Joe Biden so close to Christmas.

Low-carb diets may not lead to weight loss, according to a new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association and funded by The Grimace Institute.

After two days, rescuers successfully reached tourists & guides stuck in Slovenia’s Krizna Jama cave – which dropped 30 spots on Trip Advisor’s list of ‘Fun Things To Do In Slovenia’.

A group of dietitians released a list of the best foods to eat if you want healthy hair. Topping the list was the Chipotle Burrito Bowl, which contained the highest amount of healthy hair.

Pro-Palestinian protetors blocked traffic at three New York City bridges and the Holland Tunnel – to the delight of drivers getting extra time to text and scroll Instagram.

A Las Vegas felon – who went viral for diving over a judge’s bench & attacking her -will appear before her again. Added precautions are in place; the man will be handcuffed, and the trampoline in front of the bench will be removed.

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The first new public elementary school built in North Philadelphia in more than 70 years opened. A sixth grader cut a ribbon at one of the school’s exits to become the first student dropping out of it.

The mansion of Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tyreek Hill caught fire. Afterward, the structure was ruled incomplete.

Subscribers are cancelling streaming services in record numbers, due to higher prices, and watching 25 minutes of the latest Adam Sandler movie.

6.9 million 23andMe customers had their personal information stolen in a massive data breach. Although one of the hackers was delighted to discover several of the victims were long-lost cousins.

Amy Robach told her romantic partner and former Good Morning America co-host T.J. Holmes that she “lost most of her worldly possessions” in the divorce that followed their extramarital affair. Holmes said he remembered the first time she lost her shirt.

Dozens of previously-sealed documents related to Jeffrey Epstein were unsealed Wednesday. It’s the first time Donald Trump and Bill Clinton appeared together in years.

An Illinois man issued a warning, claiming he fell into a diabetic coma after taking counterfeit Ozempic. However, he did lose 8 pounds while he was knocked out.

TGI Fridays abruptly closed 36 underperforming restaurants, which they’re renaming SDI* Thursday. [*Shutting Down Immediately]

Colombian carrier Avianca was named the World’s Most Punctual Passenger Airline – mainly because crews are terrified what will happen if the drugs arrive late.

People with hearing loss who use hearing aids exhibit a 24% lower risk of mortality – as opposed to the 76% who can’t hear their friend say “look out for that truck”.

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A new study finds ultra-processed foods can be as addictive as drugs. The study followed 200 individuals who entered rehab after Slim Jim overdoses.

During its Sugar Bowl broadcast, ESPN aired a crowd scene from New Orleans’ Bourbon Street where a woman flashed her bare breast. ESPN apologized, but said if viewers wanted to see more boobs during football, tune in to Chris Berman and Booger McFarland.

‘The Bachelorette‘ alum Rachel Lindsay’s husband Brian Abosolo filed to end their four-year marriage, after discovering she’s starring in the pilot episode of ‘The Divorcee’.

The U.S. national debt hit a record $34 trillion, leading to Joe Biden’s government credit card being rejected at Starbucks.

The NFL fined Carolina Panthers owner David Tepper $300,000 for throwing a drink on Jacksonville Jaguars fans during his team’s loss. He must also attend training at a Philadelphia Eagles game to learn how to properly throw a drink at someone.

A 13-year-old in Oklahoma claims to have ‘beaten’ Tetris, reaching level 157 before crashing the game in 38 minutes. He also broke the game’s high-score record, and the record for the longest time anyone from Oklahoma has used a computer.

A winter storm could deliver the Northeast U.S. first significant snow accumulation in 2 years. The National Grocery Store Association raised their bread & milk accumulation threat level to Code Orange.

Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, 73 and fiancee Theresa Nist, 70, said they want all the women contestants from the show to attend their televised wedding, along with family, close friends, and several EMTs.

A Florida man was arrested after attempting to take a 4-year-old boy in Walmart, and unsuccessfully arguing with customer service for a raincheck.

Utah officials are investigating the death of a man at Salt Lake City airport who climbed into the jet engine of a parked aircraft. He had a boarding pass for a flight to Denver, and instructions from Frontier Airlines on where to sit when flying standby.

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Merry Christmas! Thank you to loyal & occasional readers. Have a terrific holiday. cd

The wives of three Philadelphia Eagles players hosted an EaGals Christmas Party for team member’s wives and girlfriends. The Philadelphia 76ers tried, but too many fights broke out when six of the players had their wife & 3 of their girlfriends each show up.

President Joe Biden will issue pardons for certain marijuana offenses, and for a very small number of crack cocaine & prostitution offenses committed by friends of one of his kids.

Philadelphia Police are investigating two suspicious car fires in the city’s Roxborough section – saying it’s easier than investigating the 50 carjackings in the city’s other sections.

A paraplegic claims Delta Airlines let him crawl to his seat when boarding assistance personnel were unavailable. Spirit Airlines said they allow people crawling to their seats to preboard so they’ll have the most time to buy more drinks before takeoff.

The Food & Drug Administration said they seized thousands of counterfeit units of diabetes/weight loss drug Ozempic. In a related story, Dollar Tree said they’re closing their pharmacy counters until further notice.

Satellite radio provider Sirius XM is accused of trapping customers in subscriptions and making it impossible to cancel. It’s so bad, workers at Comcast/Xfinity call centers are dialing in to learn a few new tricks.

A woman arrested for attempting to have her husband murdered in the Bahamas was allowed to go back to the United States for Christmas to visit her children. She has to stay 100 yards from her husband, and not even think about giving him the fruitcake she made.

Tinder is offering $499/month Tinder Select memberships to a limited number of “most sought after” users. In other news, two teen boys who stole their dad’s credit card are busy catching up on all the nude pics they’re getting.

Britney Spears posted an Instagram video showing the charred remains of her home gym following a house fire she started in 2020, when she fired her trainer for telling her to ‘feel the burn’.

A married couple drove an electric car 18,000 miles in an historic journey from the North Pole to the South Pole to raise awareness for climate change and use of electric vehicles. They’re currently looking for divorce lawyers at the South Pole.

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The NBA indefinitely suspended Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green for hitting an opponent in the face. During his free time, the NHL is teaching Green how to skate.

Amazon ended a ‘thank you’ program – where drivers received a $5 tip if customers told Alexa to ‘thank their driver’ – after two days. They ended the program to thank the warehouse worker who packed the order with a $5 tip after two seconds.

Burger chain In N Out opened their first location in Idaho and the wait at the drive-thru was 8 hours long. Gruhhub customers were told if they ordered now, they could still get their food in time for Christmas.

The Las Vegas Raiders routed the Los Angeles Chargers 63-21 on Thursday night. But the big winner is the realtor that gets to sell Chargers head coach Brandon Staley’s house.

Shohei Ohtani made his first appearance in a Los Angeles Dodgers uniform after signing a record $700 million contract. He plans to live modestly, and send money home so his family in Japan can finally have a shelter to protect them from attacks by Godzilla.

Sharon Osbourne said getting plastic surgery on her face was “the worst thing she ever did” – apparently forgetting about The Osbourne Family Christmas Special.

Pennsylvania joined several other states in making ‘porch pirating’ a felony. Several convicted thieves now face multi-year sentences for unknowingly stealing discreet shipments of adult diapers.

Barbara Furlow-Smiles, a former Facebook diversity & inclusion executive, pled guilty to stealing $4 million from the company. She’s free on bond, and may be a flight risk because she responded ‘Interested’ instead of ‘Going’ to her March sentencing.

Posh Spice Victoria Beckham told Allure magazine that she was bullied and told she can’t sing. “Kids can be horrible” she said, adding “they can also be right”.

Oprah Winfrey said that people making jokes about her weight was a ‘public sport’. In other news, the guy who authored the joke about her being detained at the airport for smuggling 50 pounds of crack was inducted to the Public Sport Hall Of Fame.

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Doritos is launching Nacho Cheese Liquor. Now your breath can reek of two different things at once.

The University of Pennsylvania named J. Larry Jameson as their new interim President. Meanwhile his father Jonah is pounding the desk at the Daily Bugle demanding more pictures of Spider-Man.

An investor group has reportedly offered $5.8 billion to buy Macy’s. They’d wanted to pay $4.6 billion, but their 20% off coupon wasn’t valid.

Rumors are swirling that New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has already decided to part ways with longtime head coach Bill Belichick. One of Kraft’s closest advisors said the decision was difficult because Kraft has loved Bill long time.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce kissed at a holiday party following the Kansas City Chiefs loss on Sunday. Photographs show Kelce’s hands clearly violating Swift’s neutral zone.

Meta plans to fact-check posts on their Threads app, then probably do nothing about it.

Cocoa extract may improve cognitive function in adults. Look for new Cocoa Prevagen Krispies cereal.

Craig Berube was fired as head coach of the NHL St. Louis Blues. The bad news is he’s out of a job; the good news is he no longer has the Blues.

A self-copying RNA vaccine received approval for human trials. Once injected, the microchip in the vaccine makes a copy of itself.

Bradley Cooper’s 6-year-old daughter attended the premiere of his Leonard Bernstein biopic, ‘Maestro’ – then snuck out 20 minutes in to go see Trolls: Band Together.