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A new study finds plant-based diets are best for lowering the risk of heart disease, while elevating the risk of your friends not asking you to go out to dinner with them anymore.

Mattel will honor 9 star female athletes by creating Barbies in their image, And they’ll have a bonus 2-for-1 Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner Ken/Barbie value pack.

A Domino’s franchisee in Bethlehem, PA will spend one year in jail and pay $2.5 million in restitution for tax crimes. Meanwhile a judge will schedule his hearing on pizza crimes.

A 12-time DUI offender was sentenced to 11 years in prison. Although he’s eligible to have it reduced to 10 1/2 years if he completes a Defensive Driving course.

A California woman was fined $88,000 after her children illegally harvested 72 clams from Pismo Beach. The fine was eventually reduced to $500, but she was still steamed.

Lebron James called for a change to the NBA’s challenge rules for foul calls, calling for coaches to get a third challenge after two successful challenges, and calling for any play that involves Lebron to be reviewed at Lebron’s request.

A new poll finds two-thirds of Americans are concerned about possble violence following the 2024 elections. The other third are pretty busy planning the violence.

The Department of Justice is suing to break up Live Nation/Ticketmaster, saying they’re using monopoly power to unfairly influence the ticketing business. The DOJ is planning to serve the lawsuit but are currently 20th in the queue with an estimated wait time of 15 minutes.

The Bachelorette alum Ryan Suter is addressing rumors that his wife Trista – the first ‘Bachelorette’ – had died. Ryan said she’s alive, and he can prove it because ABC hasn’t offered him a 12-episode deal as The Widower Bachelor.

WNBA rookie superstar Caitlin Clark’s popularity is about ‘white privilege’ and ‘pretty privilege’ according to The View co-host Sunny Hostin, who couldn’t drain a three to save her life.

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Buffalo Wild Wings opened its 100th takeout & delivery ‘Go’ location, and says one-third of its sales are made outside of sit-down restaurants. Now 33% of customers say “this food sucks” to themselves in living rooms instead of to BWW servers.

Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, 72 and wife Theresa Nist, 70 are ending their marriage after just three months. It’s the Early Bird Special Divorce.

All of O.J. Simpson’s children visited him before he died, but they were not allowed to have their cell phones with them, and were required to sign non-disclosure agreements. O.J. then confessed that Hertz wasn’t the best rental car agency.

Apple upgraded its AirTag functionality to allow sharing of the tracking devices with up to five people. Now you can enlist friends to help you stalk your ex-spouse or partner.

Vietnam real estate tycoon Truong My Lan was sentenced to death after she defrauded the nation’s banks out of $12.5 billion, or 304 trillion dong. Residents said they could only dream of seeing that many dongs.

Earlier this week, the terms ‘eclipse’; ‘total eclipse’; and ‘eclipse sex’ were the top 3 searches on Pornhub. For those curious, eclipse sex is intercourse with a partner so big you can’t see one of them.

Viral video shows an exchange at a Florida airport with a Spirit Airlines employee saying “F**k you, too!” while reviewing a woman’s boarding pass. A spokesperson for Spirit Airlines explained this is the official greeting for Spirit’s frequent flyers.

Errors were corrected to the base of a statue honoring the late Kobe Bryant, including some statistics in the engraved box score of Bryant’s 81-point game, and a statement claiming he never sexually assaulted anyone.

A grease fire in the kitchen of The Tamron Hall Show forced the evacuation of her studio, and The View, which films in an adjacent studio. The fire was extinguished without incident, and Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar fought over who got the french fries.

17 countries were ranked in terms of the size of women’s buttocks, with South Africa having the biggest, India the smallest, and the U.S. ranked 6th. Curiously, Brazil was omitted, because the researchers just wanted to give other countries a chance.

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After six years in prison, hip-hop star Bobby Shmurda was released on Shparole.

Disney+ placed an ‘offensive content’ warning before some episodes of The Muppet Show. including Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem’s cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Some Girls’.

NASA’s Perseverance rover sent back a recording of the wind on Mars, followed by a robotic sounding “excuse me”.

Six Flags will reopen all of its theme parks in 2021 and will hire ‘thousands’ of employees – including specialists trained to tell the difference between COVID vomiting and roller-coaster vomiting.

Stevie Wonder told Oprah Winfrey he’s moving to Ghana – or at least that’s what he thinks is going to happen.

Dr. Dre calls estranged wife Nicole Young a “greedy bitch” in a new rap, which he made the unfortunate choice of debuting in a family court hearing.

Martin Gugino, the elderly Buffalo man whose skull was fractured after being pushed to the ground by cops last summer during Black Lives Matter protests, is suing the city for millions in damages, although he’s expected to settle for a condo in Florida.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill legalizing recreational marijuana, although state-sanctioned sales won’t be available until completion of the New Jersey Turnpike’s Wu-Tang Clan Service Area.

Meghan McCain criticized COVID vaccine distribution, asking “how I, Meghan McCain, co-host of The View” can’t know when she’ll be eligible. Ironically, many of her viewers are eligible because their immune systems are compromised from listening to Meghan McCain.

Emma Colonel Aspuro, 31-year-old wife of drug kingpin Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested on drug & conspiracy charges. She was detained after arriving at Dulles Airport in Virginia after emerging from the tunnel connecting it to Tijuana.

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Kentucky lawmaker Nick Wilson introduced a bill adding groping and other non-intercourse sexual activities to the classification of felony incest. He was sharply rebuked by Mississippi lawmakers, who classify those activities as ‘foreplay’.

Wilson’s bill was criticized for inadvertently seeking to legalize sex between first cousins in Kentucky. Other lawmakers wonder what the hell is going on with Wilson’s relatives, but still asked if he can invite them to his next family reunion.

A hospital greeter was arrested for a serial stabbing spree in New York City. He was charged with multiple counts of felony assault, and given a raise for drumming up business.

Donald Trump attended the funeral of his mother-in-law. She’ll be buried next to Trump’s ex-wife Ivana, at what will now be known as The 2nd Hole.

A new study finds that young students learn better utilizing paper versus screens. Hearing this, Apple introduced a $200 see-through sheet of paper for iPads.

Madonna was sued by two fans because her concert started two hours late and they had to work early the next morning. They’re seeking damages and lots and lots of attention.

Kelly Osbourne said her 2015 remark “If you kick every Latino out of the country, then who will clean your toilet, Donald Trump?” .. is ‘the worst thing she’s ever done’. Osbourne forgot she’s released three full-length record albums.

Taking a daily multivitamin can ward off cognitive decline from dementia for up to two years. After that, people just forget to take the vitamins.

Researchers explained why little dogs tend to outlive big dogs. Little dogs have a lower risk for cancer and bone-related illness, and bigger dogs have an easier time reaching the burgers and fries on the counter.

Crystal Hefner, widow of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, claims in her new memoir he used so much Viagra that it caused him to go deaf in one ear. Crystal said Hugh always slept with the bad ear next to her in case she said “not tonight”.

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Actor Clarence Gilyard, Jr. – who portrayed computer whiz Theo in Die Hard – passed away at age 66. He’s believed to have been the last surviving member of Hans Gruber’s crew, with the possible exception of that one guy who looked like Huey Lewis.

The United States plans to provide assistance as Russia continues to knock out power stations supplying heat to Ukrainian cities. President Biden has authorized sending a 10-ton shipment from the U.S.’ strategic reserve of Snuggies.

Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes and wife Brittany welcomed their second child, a boy, after he completed a successful down-and-out route.

Stowaways clung to the rudder of a tanker ship which sailed for 11 days from Nigeria to the Canary Islands. The three men decided to board the rudder, figuring they were less likely to get sick than by using the free Carnival cruise certificates they had.

An Arizona school teacher was banned from OnlyFans after filming sex in a classroom, which violated their policy against sharing sex acts filmed in a public place. “Uh oh” said a nude OnlyFans model bouncing at a SkyZone indoor trampoline park.

Former The View co-host Meghan McCain said the behavior of defeated Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake – who’s made baseless fraud claims – has been “so gross”. McCain made the comments on her new podcast ‘The Pot Talks About Kettles’.

A Minnesota woman was exposed to toxic levels of mercury from repeated use of beauty creams. You can measure her hot flashes by how high the redness gets on her forehead.

Philadelphia Police caught three men who’d stolen $40,000 worth of goods from a Verizon store in New Jersey. Meanwhile, several other men who’d robbed a Boost Mobile store looked at their loot and decided they need to rob a store with stuff people actually want.

A Florida woman is suing Kraft Heinz Foods Company for $5 million, claiming the 3-minute cooking time for Velveeta Mac & Cheese is misleading. She’s asking for a lot of money and a speedy trial, because she only has several months to live after eating so much Velveeta Mac & Cheese.

A Marine Corps veteran at a Los Angeles Lakers game was awarded Fan Of The Game when she chugged beer out of her prosthetic leg. She was given a $100 gift card, which she used to buy two more beers. She now has $30 left on the card.

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Miami Beach declared a State Of Emergency following a wave of Spring Break violence. Police continue to monitor a crisis at the MTV Beach House where Vanilla Ice and Color Me Badd have so far refused to release hostages.

Indiana’s GOP Governor Mike Holcomb vetoed a bill banning transgender athletes from school sports – which has nothing to do with his daughter being one home run away from her school’s softball season record.

The body of a man missing for 10 years was found in the freezer of an abandoned London pub. Anyone who ordered the Shepherds Pie in 2012 is advised to get checked out.

Video shows a preschool teacher leading 4-year-olds in an anti-Joe Biden chant – followed by several of the kids complaining that they’re not learning anything in Ms. Palin’s class.

A tornado touched down at a Walmart in Texas. As employees and shoppers ran for cover, the tornado looted several big-screen TVs.

IQAir, a company tracking global air quality, ranked Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands & French New Caledonia as the best. The worst are India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and the ladies room of The View.

Kylie Jenner announced her new son with Travis Scott is no longer named Wolf, because it didn’t feel like it suited him, and because it’s too difficult to spell.

The District Of Columbia sued Grubhub for “deceptive trade practices”, such as excessive fees, and promising food would arrive hot and free of spit.

Over 100,000 Android phone users have been hacked by a Facebook-password-stealing app Craftsart Cartoon Photo Tools. The app turns your pics into a cartoon of you complaining that your nudes just got sent to all of your Facebook friends.

David Rush broke the Guinness World Record by ‘fist-bumping’ 152 people in a minute – a feat made more impressive because many participants kept forgetting and tried shaking his hand instead.

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Elon Musk confirmed that some monkeys died while testing his Neuralink brain-implant chips. Although the monkey’s surviving mates believe they were murdered because the chips made them smarter than Elon Musk.

Joe Biden is expected to nominate Ketanji Brown Jackson as the first black woman Supreme Court justice. Jackson, in turn, is expected to nominate Biden as the first old white dude at her cookout.

Dancing With The Stars professional Cheryl Burke filed for divorce from husband Matthew Lawrence, citing irreconcilable differences, and the two being out-of-step.

Aaron Rodgers was seen with Shailene Woodley. Though no longer engaged, the two remain Friends With Huddles.

India banned 54 Chinese smartphone apps over security concerns, including TikTok. Indian officials say if citizens want to watch housewives sing and dance, they can watch Bollywood movies.

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle say they stand with the people of Ukraine…in the backyard of their California mansion.

John Mayer tested positive for COVID-19. Several groupies have bodies that are a wonderland, but can’t taste or smell.

New strains of bird flu have been detected in the U.S., reinforcing the misguided beliefs of Southern U.S. COVID deniers who say vaccines & masks are “for the birds”.

Hank The Tank, a 500-pound black bear blamed for dozens of home break-ins in the California mountains, may not be at fault based on DNA evidence collected by wildlife officials, and by raccoons who have been granted immunity for their testimony.

The View’s Joy Behar said on the show she’s worried the Russian invasion of Ukraine might impact her Italian vacation. Whoopi Goldberg then tagged Behar on her way out of suspension, as Behar tags in.

Sharon Osbourne, who was fired from her own daytime show, The Talk, said she would never go back because producing network CBS “sucks big-time d**k”. She was accompanied by husband Ozzy, who’s now interested in CBS.

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Record flooding struck China. Rescuers complained of not having enough floating junks to haul away floating junk.

A man kneeling atop the dugout at a Triple-A Worcester Red Sox baseball game proposed to his girlfriend. She declined and ran away. He was demoted to Double-A marriage proposals.

Phoenix Suns head coach Monty Williams visited the locker room of the victorious Milwaukee Bucks to congratulate them on their Game 6 NBA title-clinching win. And to grab a couple free bottles of champagne to drink on a date this weekend.

Hospitals used body bags filled with ice water to cool patients in heat-related distress during the recent Pacific Northwest heat wave. And when it didn’t work, it was still a real time saver.

U.S. life expectancy experienced its biggest drop since World War II, with COVID, gun violence and drug overdoses all contributing. 2020 was so bad, it actually took a year-and-a-half off everyone’s life.

The MLB Cleveland Indians are officially changing their name to the Cleveland Guardians. Team officials made the announcement so Indians gear can be shipped along with Phoenix Suns NBA Champions apparel to underdeveloped countries.

Mississippi is asking the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v Wade, and – if they wouldn’t mind while they’re at it – explain to Mississippians where babies come from.

Producers of ABC’s daytime talk show The View are reportedly looking for a “Trump Republican” to replace departing Meghan McCain. “Not me” said Melania Trump.

San Francisco is reportedly considering $20,000 tamper-proof public garbage cans. At that price, homeless scavengers may decide to stop picking trash cans and start moving in to them.

The NFL issued a memo to all teams, saying that cancellation/postponement of games caused by COVID outbreaks among unvaccinated players & staff could result in forfeiture. That, or Texas-and-Florida-based teams may end up playing each other over and over.

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TikTok removed 7 million accounts of underage users. “TikTok sucks” said pedophiles.

A boy was bitten by a shark at a Boy Scout camp near Catalina Island, California. The boy is recovering, and the shark received its Biting Children merit badge.

Trump Organization Chief Financial Officer Allen Weisselberg was indicted on tax evasion charges. As evidence, the New York District Attorney submitted Weisselberg’s resume, where in the Skills section he listed Tax Evasion.

Joe Biden is expected is to meet with rescue teams at the fallen Champlain Towers condo building in Miami, then he’ll meet with EMTs to fix whatever happens to him as he walks across the rubble.

China’s President Xi Jinping said that those who attempt to bully China will face “broken heads and bloodshed” – in what’s being called “the weirdest anti-bullying speech ever”.

Conservative commenter Meghan McCain is leaving ‘The View’. ABC executives reportedly begged her to stay, saying their effort to find another entitled conservative blowhard could be as difficult as asking for Ivanka Trump’s phone number.

85 children and staffers contracted COVID-19 at a summer camp that didn’t require masks or check vaccine status. Officials indefinitely postponed Color War at Camp Delta Variant.

TikTok is expanding video length to three minutes. Now you can watch baby boomers cringeworthy videos, then see them take two minutes figuring out how to end it.

Bill Cosby was released from prison due to a legal technicality. Cosby’s lawyers then spent the rest of the day fielding 50 calls from Harvey Weinstein.

The Los Angeles Police Bomb Squad detonated 5,000 pounds of illegal fireworks in a so-called “containment truck”, which blew up the truck. Now they have to find a new truck to blow up in the July 4th parade.

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After six years in prison, hip-hop star Bobby Shmurda was released on Shparole.

Disney+ placed an ‘offensive content’ warning before some episodes of The Muppet Show. including Dr. Teeth & the Elecrric Mayhem’s cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Some Girls’.

NASA’s Perseverance rover sent back a recording of the wind on Mars, followed by a robotic sounding “excuse me”.

Six Flags will reopen all of its theme parks in 2021 and will hire ‘thousands’ of employees – including specialists trained to tell the difference between COVID vomiting and roller-coaster vomiting.

Stevie Wonder told Oprah Winfrey he’s moving to Ghana – or at least that’s what he thinks is going to happen.

Dr. Dre calls estranged wife Nicole Young a “greedy bitch” in a new rap, which he made the unfortunate choice of debuting in a family court hearing.

Martin Gugino, the elderly Buffalo man whose skull was fractured after being pushed to the ground by cops last summer during Black Lives Matter protests, is suing the city for millions in damages, although he’s expected to settle for a condo in Florida.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill legalizing recreational marijuana, although state-sanctioned sales won’t be available until completion of the New Jersey Turnpike’s Wu-Tang Clan Service Area.

Meghan McCain criticized COVID vaccine distribution, asking “how I, Meghan McCain, co-host of The View” can’t know when she’ll be eligible. Ironically, many of her viewers are eligible because their immune systems are compromised from listening to Meghan McCain.

Emma Colonel Aspuro, 31-year-old wife of drug kingpin Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested on drug & conspiracy charges. She was detained after arriving at Dulles Airport in Virginia after emerging from the tunnel connecting it to Tijuana.